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Tuesday, October 14, 2014

I will either return three times as strong, with twice as much as I had before, or I will return to the place I came and make the path I should have long ago.

It is only after we fully utilize the encouragement found within, that the afterthoughts of every major event in our lives come into play, as the spear of our new reality. 

If we are consumed by our past, instead of enlightened by it, we have gained nothing. Our past though doesn't need to make sense right away, because it is only a reflection of who we were - it is about understanding who we are today - and having a vision of who we want to be, that we can fully appreciate our own actions as a partition of which we hope to make a new and far better outcome from.  If we take advantage of our noble traits, and fully put them in motion for whatever we believe in, then our own conscience and instincts will point us in the right direction. Whatever you believe, believe with all of your heart, but you must not wander aimlessly in the story of life.

If you find yourself without a plan, pick up a plan not from scratch, but by the reminders of all powerful fragments and memories we can utilize today. 

We can't dig deep enough to understand our purpose in life, if we haven't searched ourselves long enough to know what we really care about. What is a stable reminder, but an exclusive event, one unique to our own lives, this is what is important. Collect and re-collect, but don't dis-appreciate the past, don't regret the past - because in doing so you only destroy the moment. You should take what is positive, and all of those great reminders as a transient, but persistent weapon to move forward, because without holding onto the positive reminders...we lose purpose.

We are like a heat seeking missle, just looking for anything to aim at thoughtlessly, either in aggression or in dysphoric wonder, but if we can't distinguish our target, what sets us apart from the rest?

I don't aim to promote vain aggression, I'm simply telling you to understand and identify, and to carry something meaningful, even if you are hated for it. 
I write this because I realize that years past I was running and wandering aimlessly, both in the physical sense and mentally, and even spiritually to some extent.  I always had some sort of faith, but yet always some sort of lingering doubt, I believe in God's existence fully, and there is no better realization then finding a meaning in the will of Christ.

We have options though, and no power can truly stop us from deciding upon our own will, but you have to ask yourself, would you rather wander aimlessly, seeing the act of embracing a moral code as a dictator of sorts? In all of this though, not having a purpose, in replacement of a true, invigorating, and long-term purpose that would reside subtly if one were to understand the concept of a higher power.

One that thwarts the ideas that little objects and materials should confine us, and obliterates the moments of unhappiness with sense of life and meaning that can't be found elsewhere.

This is what the spiritual denialists are missing out on. 

When I ran into real trouble with the law years back, I was mildly afraid but yet not surprised, it didn't stop me from moving forward but caused me to seriously question some of my actions. Although of course, like many, my will and impulsivity was an easy fix for a moment, and a vain one. Yet somehow this will within me pressed forward, and still found a way to exit negativity, and to maintain persistence...somehow adapting to the confinement I would be placed in.

It is in these moments I grew to be stronger, I was weakened, discouraged, but yet emboldened again, the spirit had uplifted me more than ever during certain moments when I would have truly plunged into darkness and full negativity. Yet I understood, and made the most of my time in holding and in jail.

I had become emboldened throughout, re-collecting sparks of creativity and further examining my life, and anybody that had previously been involved in it.  Like many, I wish'd I hadn't made some particular actions to cause such a conflict, and situation. As time went on, trouble of all sorts came at me and from me. I had assumed an intolerant mindset at times, sometimes risking a real battle that could have ended up in either more charges for me or injury.

One thing remained, I was faithful during closing / night hours, and believing, and praying despite being told of the chances I would escape the charges.  Many had founded their path against me, but in essence had no will to really attempt to overpower me, in fact, it was my will but yet ironically, unwillingness to listen at the time - that probably averted many catastrophes.

It's a great paradox, where one would expect a negative reaction to result from a negative action, but instead, of faith I had pushed my will past the barrier, enough to overpower my enemies in incapacitating curiosity, and instilled inevitable aversion. Or maybe some enemies just received a partial forgiveness, being divinely signaled to stop in their tracks, on their own end it may have felt like the wise thing to do, for whatever reason.

Maybe, no , not maybe, it was an outcome formed by every single specific factor, on all levels, by precise coincidence, that this aversion was fate - but only because of the will's or the battle of involved.

Throughout the time there I was quite fond of some activities, particularly working out and getting into a schedule, I had to adapt, it was the only way to stay strong.

I also assumed a charismatic mindset, and got a janitorial job there; getting paid for it as well.

This allowed me to obtain items and foods and snacks and things.

Well of course anyone who has been through this knows what I am talking about, but this is perhaps a bit indirect and generalized. For a good purpose though.

Many continued to doubt me, but I was persistent, even aggravating many, but still having such a faith that I would assume the proper will and embody the proper diversion, in order to complete what I had set out to say ; that I will seek out and beat the trial, even those who had come and said it wouldn't happen,, and there was nearly no chance.

In  the days nearing the end of my duration there, one conversation was particularly faithful., and that was in response to my lawyer; who had asked reluctantly "what do you expect to happen here"...I replied with "weird things happen when I roll the dice".

I was drowning in negativity and sometimes in doubt, but outwardly always knew what to say, and wasn't afraid to say it when it came down to it, because I had to make it count - and I knew even though I doubted at times that God would influence the asset's of the legal opposition in a correct manner.

I didn't know how my Faith and God would disband it, I knew my chances of winning the case were very low, but that one or two percent didn't hold me back - because I believed in coming coincidences, and alterations of events that would precede some sort of advantage. I hoped in these things constantly, sometimes being called insane in the process, but I didn't care about that.  Criticism would be nothing compared to the victory that would be achieved in good faith, and in persistence.

Part of all of my feelings were encouraged by reading similar stories in the bible, and I had related to the Chapter of Joshua, this is what began the storm of emotions and motivation, that would precede the victorious mindset I had embraced.

In the chapter it was described that Joshua would be weakened in his quest to beat the enemies of God, God's name - that is Yahweh was to be embraced throughout the nation , and to be expanded for the purpose of all that is to come in the later years. He didn't understand at first how to beat multiple enemies, being outnumbered in the process, but he was given an instinct from the holy spirit, and that instinct told him to have faith and that he would be given the power to lift a stone he had not felt he was strong enough to lift - but he knew what he had to do and just did it. At that time a force hit him, and he drew enough strength to overcome his enemies. This is a miracle to be sure, but one only that would come because of belief, and not letting go of what was said - the chance was taken in courage, and enough to overwhelm the current fright.

This seemed kinda outlandish to me at first, but what did I have to lose right? Well I too embraced this same mindset, no matter what criticism would come - and it is this very mindset, and the will of mine that emanated throughout, challenging scenarios and events, and achieving the ultimate outcome - the victory in court, where most of all charges would be dismissed, and the remaining dropped down to nearly nothing.

       Judges was another good chapter , where judges literally would be influenced by God after the sinners would repent , that they would be released from persecution, God would influence the emotions of the judge's, that they would have good heart.

I had also always also believed in the ancient prophet Daniel's words, warning of the antichrist, frequently spouting off and debating about the oncome of world war III and how the antichrists rule would be set to take over. I had spoke of many events, and in this time I had even faithfully predicted the outcome of other's court cases, going merely with instinct and presumption - whilst praying that I would be enabled to understand. In faith this way too I was persuaded, and it turned out many of my predictions were right.

This sets a powerful precedent, that all things can be achieved if you believe, and that you believe you will  summon the energy that is necessary to pick you up from nothing.

Even though I may be one of the odd examples, or one of the more fortunate ones, this does not mean that others are not capable of similar altitudes of faith..just know this...

You have to be willing to deal with rejection, with a storm of negativity on every end, but remain with your will in tact, even if it seems lost  - move forward with whatever you believe in and this will empower you through all difficult times. 

If you feel you don't have the will at first, then you must pick it up like your life depends on it.

The moral of all of this is, now that I am out, even though there is not enough time at the moment to fully describe all of the other trials that were pending, these were also faithfully dismissed. This means that either I had some scary 6;1;1 luck - and I mean literally - the chances of all of this would be that slim, or that faith truly had set that precedent in my life - but if I were to had believed in only luck during all that other time , I wouldn't have a reason for going now ....

So why believe in something of basic precedent that either way, it is what it is - solely because I believed against the odds..being subliminally spoken to in my heart that there is a reason to keep going and not take any deals....from the District Attorney etc.

No..the very reasons I set in my heart then are the same I set now...only now , I thoroughly expect adversaries at some point - because this all left an impression on me - that no matter what , there will be battles - but as long as we keep striving for our perceived victory , that is what keeps us alive on every level.

So the fire will rise, and storms will begin, because what I have said and embraced is true, and if one is to have such a faith and a victory , then surely one must see that reflection is not of normal origin, and it is that abnormal or misunderstood origin that so many refuse to take with them today.

Even if you don't believe in a higher power, the art of courage itself that is scattered perfectly in my story, at all the right times, should be an essence that all should seek after in times of peril and distress.

Even if you don't believe in God, it is inevitably true that what I have found in myself, is so immensely positive on my psychology, that what I achieved would be considered a feat like no other.  A victory brought about by perseverance, and an aggression balanced with serenity and rage, but somehow always believing I would find that is something remarkable, and it is something I will never leave behind, because it is a part of what I am today.

So I appreciate the present and the past, and though there were a lot of hardships, I wouldn't take back any of my actions that got me there, because they are fully integrated into my will, as a constant reminder of what I need for the future.  This victory stands with me as a force that can't be forgotten.

I don't expect all of you understand - but I encourage you to try to connect, because in doing so you may find some parts of yourself that were missing; you may find everything you need to keep going.

I see now where I currently am, though there is still a great deal of conflicts, I am outnumbering the negative with the positive, always staying ahead, and always embracing the pace I need to stay ahead, this consists of amplifying the traits that I used in the past, and tripling the amount of times that I regain courage, it consists of persistence and dedication. Realizing that yes, I will face setbacks, but as long as I am moving forward twice as fast, and doubling up on my courage no matter how many things or people come against me then I will succeed. I am determined, and will not stop until I achieve what I have set out to.

Albert Einstein's quote works well here as well.

And this is something to truly take note of, and where I am now - as I move forward, I expect competition, I expect setbacks , but am determined to move ahead of them all.

To remain forward, and embrace what you are passionate about - is the art of dignity and truly enjoying life.

Now.. it is time I look back on the before and after, and only one thing remains in my heart and in my mind, one statement that I can summarize everything with, now and later - one that I will hold to myself and hang onto without end.

Because I am starting to realize what I left off with, and what I have obtained on my journey, and what really matters - and what or who I am moving towards.....

I intend to instill curiosity, and open-mindedness, well anyway, here is the quote I summarize this all with.



  1. Still trying to get my 14yo son to read this. Maybe I'll do an end-around and read aloud to the 10yo. That usually hooks in the older one, too. But I don't think my daughter will love the story. It has the "no girls" problem AND I don't think the whole band of brothers thing is something she will have patience with.

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