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Thursday, September 18, 2014

The Reason why Most Relationships Don't Last (In-Depth Analysis)

So to all of you people who have been curious and want only the best explanation as to why your relationships don't last, haven't or to why you feel like they won't - only the greatest minds can't ever give you that answer. Seems like a paradox? Well the reason I say  this is because nobody can answer the questions FOR you, or for any specific person for that matter - you have to look within yourself and find out what you are missing and what you aren't doing, and not just what flaws are of your partner. 

I find that many people are lacking a sense of open-mindedness, and this is a strong issue. Second to that though, the emotions of people are generally so erratic, spontaneous and even radical - that this ends up causing instability, inevitably at some time throughout the relationship. 

 I can give an analysis along with some science, and some facts about overlooked reasons in addition to this.

I also find a few other prominent issues, and one of main issues is being unsure about oneself, and an unwillingness to discuss and communicate properly with their partner/spouse. This halts any progression as there are changes in each person's life, because one's life is changing, their career or etc is NOT an excuse to just abruptly "discontinue" or shut the other person out. If you value the relationship, assuming it had or has something genuine in it - then taking material values as a false sense of justification is ridiculous..

Even if you take a thousand justifications for these values, or your statement is "I wanna do me" or "I need to focus on myself" it not only represents the vain sense of narcissism so many have in this society, but it also shows a lack of communication in many cases, and is merely a diversion from working on those skills that one lacks. I'm not saying ALL cases, indeed, there are some where this may be necessary, and for all I know your partner might be more materialistic / artificial than you - in which case maybe the disconnect is a good thing, but if you are going to disconnect - then do it, and say it.

Mind games are immensely stupid - and for those who think it's "cool" or "trendy" to be a "player" ----- well...to each their own but I find it to be a ridiculous concept that either indicates a lack of communication, a "running" personality, or at the worst level - a narcissist or psychopath.

Though for females in general it would seem this would equate to borderline personalities, except that there are some female psychopaths...so don't think that only males play mind games.

It's this artificiality and superficiality in relationships that impedes long-term success, and with both people not knowing what they want or putting other values ahead of communication, it's no wonder that many relationships don't last.

Knowing your partner is the most important thing, but being fulfilled on fear, anger and abuse is the worst thing - and does not represent a healthy relationship.

That's not to say that bouts of anger are not going to be included, maybe even before compromise, and sometimes it might be necessary as it is a show of feeling and as such the discontent may in some cases, prompt a new overview of the relationship.



Another issue I see is the materialization - or de-spiritualization of sex and intimacy in relationships, people see it more today (especially in modern industrial societies) as an entitlement, compulsion or means for gratification - as opposed to a means of bonding, passion or spirituality. 




And although the above may not seem like an issue at first glance, science and the biology of human relationships would tend to disagree. It's another factor in the narcissistic spin wheel that LEADS to trust issues, and lack of communication - and just general dissatisfaction - oh the Irony.


For you see, chemically by turning sex into an unemotional and artificial act, you are actually decreasing the oxytocin release caused by it - and instead putting (eventually at least) tension in the relationship....it's a feedback thing, and though not always immediate, the psychology is sound.

If you think to gratify without equality, you will surely hit an imbalance, if you think to rectify without your soul (or heart), you will surely lose it.


It also seems like a primary element in rocky, and unstable relationships is sometimes the act of smothering, and being too constraining for some individuals, however...I find that this is ALSO a communication issue - and instead of being open, people just delve with their emotions and move to a negative reaction on impulse.  
That being said, there are stalkers, and people who go too far with this as well, and in which case, this is not a healthy relationship either - as the negative and oppressive behavior would likely outweigh the benefit - however, I am NOT promoting labels or moreoever, the abuse of name-calling as some sort of false-justification either - especially to where there is no validity in it's application.





 HOW TO IMPROVE OR FIX RELATIONSHIPS WHEN THEY ARE ON THE VERGE OF ENDING OR BREAKING




A relationship should be spiritual, and Liberating. It should not consist of tension, but compromise - not to say there won't be any tension - and part of making a relationship last is realizing and accepting that there will be some tension, and there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Perfection simply does not exist - on any level, though some may hope to think it does. This does NOT mean that the concept (or reality of) of "destiny mates" - "soul mates" or ultimate entities do not exist, but even these relationships aren't perfect, it's just that communication, level of understanding and connection is far greater in these, and above allpeople are willing to sacrifice and do what it takes at all costs to defend the relationship, without caring too much about what others think.


The Core of the greatest relationship is not one cherishing an illusion that everything is alright, but that honesty, communication, spirituality and liberation are the keypoints in the relationship. You should apt to and with all your heart support the person and go above and beyond in every way.


That being said, I do believe that some people are also chemically just "meant for each other" but this is a pretty rare phenomenon.



To fix a broken or compartmentalized relationship, or one that has been rough - you must go into the core of why it has been like this in the first place, go to the origins..the roots.

Figure out what started it (the issues), and repair how you know best, but compare what was better then, only to improve what is now.
Hopefully without stressing too much about it but with a determined mindset, all things are made possible. So take this mentality with you.

Be determined, legit, honest and involve yourself more than you would for anyone else - after all - isn't this the point of relationship? Giving more than you take?
Knowing the person you are with? Securing an entity not for selfish gain but to make your own legacy - not to brag about who you have as if they are some material or something..but cherishing the emotions you share and will share.

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