†On the longest nights, the most unnerving, and joyless, there is a certain question for Brilliant minds - the ones whom are always thinking, and thinking, and thinking, and then thinking some more. Sometimes, even when thinking would lead to further distress. It is on these types of nights, where an outcome doesn't seem positive, doesn't seem possible that it would be anything beyond just O.K, at the most. The times when Anxiety is like a monsoon, it just keeps coming at unnecessary forces, or what seems to be unnecessary. Whether caused by repetitive unusual bouts of Stress, or a dumb decision like taking too much Caffeine, or eating far too much hot food that it causes ones intestines to spasm. In these cases, it may seem light from your average outsider, or the one reading this, or perhaps, depending on the reason, one may wonder if there are larger contributing factors that leads me to present the situation this way.
In this case in particular, tonight was a combination of everything. Seemed so unnecessary. Literal nerve spasms because of stress and way way too much hot stuff. In that, and , probably too much Coffee. This was not a friendly night at first. I almost descended into a panic attack. So I ask myself, on the way to the store on a night-walk, what is the best way to calm down? Is it a drink? Is it an idea?
...And in all this the one very thing I am STILL DOING, is thinking about it. Excessively. Examining every single feeling with unneeded emphasis. A skin prick. Spasm. An itch, allergic reaction. But No, the irony , is that none of these things really, truly needed to be examined so closely. This wasn't some illicit drug, this wasn't something , that heck, I even normally go through to this extent. But, it was real. I did realize, I need to lay off the spicy food. But the thing that I realized even more. Is that the detriments of brilliance, are that everything can become anything, that energy, can come from anywhere, that Anxiety, can be a part of everything... if you absorb it that way. It was only when I truly collected my thoughts, that I just, stood there in the corner near the store. Thinking. Not smoking. Not drinking. Thinking. It was at these times I truly see what it means to recollect EVERYTHING. I see now, that I must discern the elements around me in unique situations, but choose to absorb as a matter of what lies within myself, as a matter of what they are, not what they CAN BE. Things, and people, don't always have to emanate negative energy, heck, thinking that they are sometimes, often, PRECEDES or PROVOKES an existence of negativity that otherwise would not have been unearthed. I guess thats the point. In order to see THROUGH the darkness, sometimes we have to stop being so focused on overcoming, on seeing, we have to stop FIRST and believe with all our heart, that the true remedy may actually be within ourselves. That the very hastening of the situation we have come to acknowledge, is often, because we are acknowledging it so deeply.
Then a fairly subtle conclusion is, when you remove the distress, then you choose not to absorb anything that reignites it, but rather, what you do Choose, is that you can absorb the relief from the environment, or you can choose to create nonsense out of nothing, it is unnecessary to do the latter, but we all do it, at some point in our Lives.
With these facts, and experiences, being all too True, at least for myself, but I'm sure for others as well, to some degree, I then have come to think about how other human beings come into conflict, with lawsuits, with those who are honest Men & Women, I see a similar parallel, not just reading, but visualizing, empathizing... I see that all struggles lead one to wonder what the proper situation is, at a complete standstill,.. thinking, which Path to choose? It is in these cases that an adequate conclusion can be made regarding all of these struggles, that, a brave man's justice is Rooted in the Contentment of the Heart, that justice will come when one finds the Serenity to understand fully, the enemies or allies they have made, and instead of creating a challenge out of it, overthinking it...that the one resolution is finding the answers within oneself - but not because of some monetary motivation, but because one acknowledges their reasons lightly, and also the reasons of the other side, but that they choose not weakness nor destruction for them or oneself, but that they Truly believe in their Action's, and they understand that thinking should be a manifestation of their hearts direction, not a substitute or justification for Hope.
Because, although false Hope can be brought to life by agitation, and resentment, True Hope is never a result of despair, nor anger, but rather, it is a result of deep and sincere understanding, and it is that one small, but significant window of time, where ones hope no longer contains anxiety nor distress , but is peaceful, and yet quiet, and yet filled with energy, that is the presentation of true hope, the feeling within oneself that is an engulfing, yet powerful wave of peaceful energy that is able to look into the future more than thoughts ever can. Because hope, does not need logic as a predecessor to its being, it only needs a Soul, and a moment of Calm. †
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