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Sunday, July 30, 2017

Function Alternative Energy Drink Review (Review of FUNCTION Drinks)

Honestly I should have written this review A LONG TIME AGO. Its one of my favorite energy drinks and very reliable. 

This drink is REALLY cheap (between 1.49 to 2$ retail typically) but much more effective  than Monster Energy. (Amazon is the best place to buy packs)

...But it is also a different ''kind'' of energy. The effects on mood in particular are more noticeable than everything from Redbull to Monster to Rockstar.

I can literally drink like 3-4 of these a day with no problem. Though I'm sure for most a drink or two a day will do. But my Caffeine tolerance is really high.

The thing most remarkable (for me at least) is that this drink was so effective for energy and focus (and has a mild nootropic effect) that I actually attempted to 'reconstruct' the same product in a pill by buying each individual ingredient on the list and attempting a stack of them.

That would mean...
  1. I bought Muira Puama extract.
  2. I bought Catuaba extract.
  3. I bought Epimedium extract.
  4. I bought Guarana supplement.
  5. I bought Yerba mate extract.
Now, because the last two came in a day later I got started without them and tried the first three together with Coffee (simple off day of alt's). That combo (muira puama, catuaba and epimedium) produced noticeable energy and jitters but the euphoric effect of Alternative Energy was not quite there. So when I got guarana and yerba mate I added them in ASAP! That produced the 'balanced' effect that Alternative Energy gives but still was a little too jittery in my opinion.

So it seems that FUNCTION really got the dosage RIGHT on the combo because they did it in a genius way that was both delicate and meticulous.

Which is why I have no choice but to give this product a whopping 

5/5 stars. 

It's that good!


The effects of the drink are noticeable if you drink HALF of it, even. You get a nearly immediate energy boost and you get, further, a mood enhancement that is like an endorphin-rush, like that feeling after a long run in the sun (without the heat) and that sense of well-being from taking a nice scenic joyride in PA. Maybe another state for some. But that's how I describe it. Its like a euphoric energy with a balanced awareness (not jittery in contrast to the stack).

So you get all of these benefits from drinking something that is WAY MORE affordable than Monster or others. I seriously admire FUNCTION for selling these cheap and getting the dose right! Why can't other drink companies do similar? Oh well, let 'em slip.

Another thing that can't be ignored IMHO is that these drinks NOTICEABLY boost  Memory and focus. I'm not sure if that's the reason WHY they took their ''brainiac'' product off the market (if this does the same thing) but I CAN say that the effects are quick and impressive. Most of all, RELIABLE. These drinks are something you can drink and not worry about your heart beating out of your chest and they don't have any weird ingredients that would make them intolerable for even SENSITIVE people. Meaning, no Yohimbine or anything like that!

Please take note that I did not receive any kind of compensation for this product and it was written solely to describe the effects for readers and to know that there are more affordable alternatives in terms of energy drinks.


  1. Guarana contains Caffeine which boosts Energy [1], but it also has antioxidant effects [2].
  2. Yerba Mate contains quercetin and other antioxidants which inhibit COMT [3] and boost Dopamine and noradrenaline levels [4].
  3. Muira Puama is a dopamine D1 agonist and beta-adrenergic agonist [5].
  4. Catuaba is dopamine-serotonin reuptake inhibitor [6].
  5. Epimedium extract boost vasodilation [7] and increases acetylcholine [8].
*So essentially this product contains ingredients which, on a broad level, increase catecholamine levels (the same things antidepressants increase) and thus allow for a improved mood and energy level.


In/Tags: function alternative energy drink review, function drink review, alternative energy drink review, function drinks energy review, function no crash review, function energy good or not

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